Where: NYC
Why: 21st B.Day
Favorite Moment(s): Dancing to RATM and Prodigy
Happy Birthday to me.
Hi, I'm Eva.
On my days off, I like to pretend I'm a sound engineer.
A sound engineer who likes to work in questionable attire.
I am not your average [pretend] sound engineer.
Good Day.
All i want to do is create, love, and inspire. That's it. I don't care about money. I don't care about having a perfect, well rounded college education. I don't fucking care about income taxes, or the price of gas. I don't care about resumes, or cover letters. i don't care about credit cards, or bill payments, or the slip resistant shoes i need to buy for work. It means NOTHING to me. I don't think twice about these petty things that i am constantly being bombarded with. Ask me anything on these subjects, and i will give you a blank stare, not out of lack of knowledge, but because i am so confused as to why it matters. Call it naiveness. Call it being irresponsible. Call it being young. I won't argue with you because you are right; Still won't change the fact that i think it's fucking unnecessary, irrelevant, and grotesquely stupid. I just cannot understand why I seem to be the only person who genuinely becomes startled and confused when asked if I balance my checkbook.
Okay, so let me get this straight...I'm on a life quest to better myself as a human being by attempting to connect with and learn from as many people as possible; a journey in which i will utilize my surroundings for inspiration that will hopefully give my life some meaning. I also hope i can help as many people as i can along the way. I have NO idea why i am here, or how i am capable of existing the way i do. All i know is that i live here, on a place I call Earth. This is my home. A home that could very much be gone tomorrow. A home that I, myself, could be gone from tomorrow. I have the ability to reach places, both mentally and emotionally, that could fulfill me in ways i didn't even know were possible, and am capable of enduring the most euphoric physical pleasure i can imagine, yet, i must constantly fight to rise above the troublesome obstacles life will undoubtedly throw my way.
oh, and you want to know if i balance my check book?
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fuck.you.
is THIS where we're heading?
No thanks, I'll pass.
-Byron
Amazing.
"we are artists. we are sensitive to our core. we feel more than we can handle and analyze everything until there's nothing left. our entire lives have been about emptying our minds and building walls around our hearts - shielding ourselves. we find outlets; art, music, nature. we disconnect from those who cannot understand and form deep bonds with those who relate. we have a thousand faces, thoughts, and emotions, and in those moments when we finally allow ourselves to be raw and bleed out our vulnerabilities, we make magic. our souls speak and it is inspiring."
-My beautiful and amazing friend, Amanda Sherlip-
The point I'm trying to make is this...everything that has meaning in my life, is directly linked to this creative force I speak of. My emotional center, my personality, my morals all thrive because of this. It is hard to explain, but it ALL connects and converges to one central location:
my power source.
hence, vulnerability.
In the grand scheme of things, this is a small price to pay. Especially since the alternative is becoming a mindless drone.
But, in the midst of the moment, I remain speechless.
It's not irrational. I don't harp. This doesn't happen ALL the time.
Still, I don't know if people realize just how much life can affect me...even the little things life has to offer. Especially the little things
When I write poetry, and show it to someone, ANYONE, I am exposing myself. When I dance for an audience, I am exposing myself. When I show my artwork to someone, I am exposing myself. When I dress as a form of self-expression, I am exposing myself. When I write a letter, play an instrument, write a song, buy a gift for someone, I am exposing myself. When I look into someones eyes, when I meditate, when I fuck, when I have a meaningful conversation with someone, I am exposing every single fucking inch of my self to the world. This is it. This is me. This is vulnerability in its purest form. This is my life. And I relish in it.
So, that is why I sometimes flinch.That is why I can be dreadfully shy. That is why I can be so very modest. That is why I often hold back more than I'd like to at times; I am being exposed to such a bright light, I can barely breathe. And, when those moments arrive, no one can sense it but me. To them, it is just a simple question: "What do you do?"
What do i do?!
Oh God, what don't i do? What don't i feel?
How can i even answer that?
8% of you won't get this and think im weird/crazy
1.5% you will get it, but still think im weird/crazy
.5% of you will get it and i love you for it.
90% of people won't even read this, and i'm okay with that.
(Bill, if you see this, please don't kill me for muting the colours!)
i miss the darkroom...
No!?
okay then i have one word for you:
fishnets.
mhmm thought so...see ya there!
;-)
